Friday, 9 September 2011

Miranda Priestly's Guide to Taking Control of Your Wardrobe

“This... stuff'? Oh. Okay. I see. You think this has nothing to do with you. You go to your closet and you select... I don't know... that lumpy blue sweater, for instance because you're trying to tell the world that you take yourself too seriously to care about what you put on your back.”

OK, now I know this isn’t the case at all, you just don’t have the time in the morning to search through the mountain you call your wardrobe.

You’ve got knits in with silks, summer strewn with winter garb and every morning is a complete struggle to find something—anything—to wear.

You end up walking out wearing those same pair of aging trousers you’ve grown to hate and that top that makes you look like you have back-bewbs. (Deliberate misspelling)

Your wardrobe is the kind of mess that Miranda Priestly would happily breathe fire onto.

Knowing that no woman is able to throw an item of clothing away without discarding a piece of her soul, a new method of keeping organised needs to be put in place.

And Miranda Priestly is here to guide you to a better wardrobe.

“By all means move at a glacial pace. You know how that thrills me.”

If you are going to get your wardrobe sorted out, it will require some dedicated time and a bit of elbow.

If you’re a working woman, take an oblication (Time off to do all those nasty jobs) and spend a day sorting through all your clothes.

If you’re a SAHM, get grandma to look after the darlings so you can be free to concentrate on getting things sorted.

Once you have the time to yourself, give it some muscle!

“Florals? For spring? Ground breaking.”

It’s not rocket surgery, darker colours and heavy knits are for winter, lighter colours and medium knits for autumn, florals and linen for spring and anything bright and skimpy is for summer.

Clear a space on the floor or use a large double bed if you have one, and create four separate piles based on seasonal categories.

Anything you consider a crossover, forms a new pile in the centre.

“No, no, you chose. You chose to get ahead. You want this life. Those choices are necessary.”

Time to make those tough choices.

I know it’s hard to throw things away, but realistically, it’s the only way you will ever be able to take full control of your wardrobe.

Your sixth pile is a black bag where you can place any items of clothing not worn in the past 12 months.

Once you have put something in the bag, never venture back in lest you decide in a moment of sheer weakness that you actually want to keep that skirt you’ve had since high school.

Don’t do it!

“Is there some reason that my coffee isn't here? Has she died or something?”

Now that you’ve sorted summer from winter, keepers from losers, rejuvenate your batteries with a nice cuppa, but not too long or you run the risk of losing your momentum.

“Oh, don't be silly - EVERYONE wants this. Everyone wants to be *us*.”

That’s right, everyone wants a wardrobe so organised that it practically invites them to browse for their clothes.

Breaks over, so time to get back on with creating that perfectly organised wardrobe.

Starting with the clothes you don’t need at the moment, bag them up separately and label the bags with the corresponding season.

Store those bags of clothes in the attic or somewhere similar and keep the current season as well as the crossover clothes out.

Give them all a wash, an iron, and hang them up in a colour-coordinated fashion.

“That’s all”

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